Well, I was going to call this post “The last two weeks”, but realistically, I have no idea when our little guy will get here. Due dates are funny things. I think they should be called Baby Arrival Estimates. If something is “due” at a certain time, then any time before that is “early” and any time after that is “late”. But that’s such a North American thing, trying to time nature. Seriously. Who does that?
Because of this cultural misunderstanding, I’ve watched several of my friends and acquaintances deal with varying degrees of frustration while in the last few weeks of their pregnancies. Facebook status updates exposed their struggles. I know that a lot of people simply get uncomfortable and just want that part to end, and I can’t really speak to that because I’m not uncomfortable, actually. I sleep well most nights and have minimal pain, with the exception of the sensation of my pelvis separating. I even feel attractive, which is something of a gift, I think.
So anyway, I didn’t want to be anxious or stressed like I’ve seen so many other women become. I didn’t want to spend the last few weeks before baby wringing my hands, pacing, pissed off at my helplessness to control the situation. At first I thought if I distracted myself with my “babymama bucket list”, spending the time check off a bunch of fun things I won’t be able to do after baby, maybe that would help. At church yesterday God gave me a new perspective. (I like this one better.) The waiting period before baby, I learned, is supposed to be like Advent. Let me explain. During Advent each year, we prepare our lives and hearts for the really big gift that God gave us in Jesus. In real life, two thousand-ish years ago, only Mary and Joseph got ready for Jesus, but his birth impacted the whole world. Here I am, in Kansas in October of 2010, and I’m waiting for my little baby to come too. He is a gift to me, to Josh, to the world. As are all children.
So what do in the waiting? The trick, I believe, is to let myself long for the arrival of the baby while simultaneously resting in God and trusting His timing. I have heard plenty of suggestions on how to stimulate labor and if I googled, I could find thousands more. But I want to try my hand at surrender, at letting God decide our baby’s birthday. Not that I’m going to take off work and sit on the couch, waiting for labor to start. But I want to find the balance of letting myself go in longing to see and hold our little one, and yet still feeling happy and content in the moment. I know, I know, it sounds impossible. But so far, I’ve exceeded my own expectations for health and enjoyment of pregnancy. So why not imagine that I could enjoy these next two or three weeks? I’m going to start there.