Baby’s estimated arrival date is two days away. There’s a sense of expectation and uncertainty in everything I do. I finish my work completely each day, making sure there aren’t any emails to reply to, patient notes updated, and now, even all my files are where they should be. I had my entire November schedule cleared so baby could have the luxury of neatly arriving any time after October 31. He didn’t come last week so I was blessed with time for clearing out the ceiling cobwebs of unfinished jobs. I wasn’t guaranteed that time, but I was grateful to get it.
It feels like all this rushing about and preparing for baby is heading straight into a season of slowness. Next week I have no plans, except work on Tuesday, Wednesday and Friday, if he hasn’t come, of course. I will come home at the end of the night, light candles, drink tea, invite friends over. I might even cook. I know having a baby at home will be an earth-shattering adjustment, having my life revolve around sleep and food and poop. And none of that will be mine. What a change! My last day of work is November 12, unless baby debuts sooner, so I will have even more rest to look forward to if my waiting is prolonged. I’m creating a win-win situation for myself so the likelihood that I lose my mind in a delay is significantly diminished: either baby comes and I am off work and happy to be with him or he waits but I am off work anyway, not waddling through the halls, wondering how many trips from the office to the bathroom it might take to stimulate labor. It’s a good plan, I’m sure of it.
Even though it’s been busy around here, I’ve noticed my love and appreciation for Josh swelling up in a brand new way. He has been a domestic diva and handy man in the same day, fixing the furnace and whipping up pumpkin pies, gourmet pizza or pot roast – whatever the day called for. He often greets me at the door and offers news of some new thing he’s accomplished for the day – appears he is nesting too. I’m not sure where the time came from, but despite our usually hectic schedules, this week we found time for ourselves to cozy up and enjoy each other’s company. I didn’t think we would have time for this so close to baby, but we do and I am so thankful. Knowing our lives are about to change so much motivates me to soak him up all the more.
I’ve had a strong sense of timing through the past few weeks. Although I knew that technically baby could come at any minute starting on week 37, so far I could tell that it was not yet time. I left work each day ready to be gone for 7-8 weeks, but if you asked for my honest opinion, I was quite sure I would be there the next day. This past week, Josh and I had meetings, appointments or groups every night as usual, sometimes both, but I was able to focus on them because I knew “it’s not time yet”. Most moments I feel calm and unhurried, no need to force the process. Perhaps this is all the prayers for grace at work. So thank you!