There are many days where I feel like a strange version of a woman. Being a working mom will do that to you. It can be confusing.
Mix in the fact that my son does not go to childcare but stays home with his dad, which is great and I am thankful, but this complicates things a bit since Josh is the primary caregiver.
Sometimes Josh is more nurturing and intuitive to John’s needs. And then I feel like some mutant mother who apparently is lacking oxytocin or maternal instinct, and I think maybe I should just stop having kids now before I mess up more people.
But there are many things I like about motherhood. Most of them aren’t really about me at all, but about this little person I am loving, training and enjoying. But then, motherhood isn’t about me ever. And I think that is what is most liberating about it: finally being able to really love someone more than myself.
So without anymore ado, here are a few reasons I like being a mother:
1. I like my son. I like him more than all the other kids in the world, even though there are some great kids out there. I also love him, which does not go without saying. I love him a lot.
2. I like seeing my husband be a father.
3. I like the unconditional love my son shows me. We are both punks, but he is more forgiving and resilient than me. I learn a lot from him.
4. I like knowing that my life extends beyond me, not just in time but in impact. Everything I give him and teach him lives in him. That is just so cool.
5. I liked pregnancy and the crazy mystery of human inside a human. I will never get over that.
6. I like all the hilarious stuff my son does. He is a genuinely amusing person with an engaging personality. He is a little bit me, a little bit Josh, but all his own person too.
7. I like watching him learn, knowing I taught him something.
8. I like the fact that no matter John’s life span, or mine, being a mother is something no one can take from me. I may not always be a writer or a social worker or even a wife. But somehow being a mother once means I am always a mother. It’s some kind of indelible branding that’s never lost, even if a mother outlives the child.
9. I like the fact there is an entire future inside of him: calling, destiny, talents, vision, proclivities, idiosyncrasies, a certain way of speaking, a unique charisma. There will be things I can teach him, and as he assimilates all he learns, I will be so proud. I will be amazed. “I can’t believe this is my son.”