It was about two and a half weeks ago, a Monday, and the healing conference was only a day behind me. I didn’t pray for any strangers for healing at the conference, but after coming home and hearing the stories I’d heard, I decided I was going to do it.
I would stop saying “No” to God, to the nudges, to the stories of hurting and injured people around me. It was too much.
So I started saying, “Yes”. When someone would tell me about pain or injury, I became more likely – not perfect – to say, “Well, let me just pray for you really quick…” or “Do you mind if I pray for you really quick?”
Most people would say “Yes”. In fact, everyone has agreed to prayer if I have offered. Wow. Didn’t even think about that.
So I haven’t been dealing with rejection. I’ve been dealing with the possibility of it, which is still there. I’ve also been dealing with how to respond when God doesn’t heal right then.
I’ve realized most people don’t expect God to heal them. I do, but they think I’m just a nice, little Christian lady who is doing a good deed. Maybe so, but I have seen, and therefore expect, immediate healing.
And that’s good. I should.
After I pray, I say, “Does anything feel different?” People think this question is funny because, well, all I did was pray, so of course nothing will feel different. And they are often surprised when something is. They realize they can move this or that body part, their range of motion returns, pain decreases or leaves completely.
And they are shocked. And so am I. Even though I expect it. I have to play it cool, of course, but I’m always thinking, “Oh my gosh! I can’t believe it. Wow!”
Another huge struggle I’ve been having, aside from the fear that God won’t act like I hope he will, or the fear that I will get rejected or thought of as weird, is the most difficult struggle yet: my own sickness and increased injury/illness in our family.
I have been more sick the past two weeks than I have been in a while. My family seems to be getting it too, as John has had a severe case of eczema that ebbs and flows, and two days ago, he banged his head on our bed and required two staples in head at our local E.R. This does not seem normal.
A few days after the conference, I had prayed for 5 people in three days and seen a few of them receive healing. By Thursday, I had a powerful, insane migraine that persisted beyond prescription medication and other remedies that normally do the trick. I went to the doctor, got new medication and was told to go back on my iron supplements to treat anemia.
Okay, then. But almost without reprieve, I began to have head pain and various headaches, some of them migraines, throughout the week. I went through my migraine prescription in a little over a week, and today, I am home again for the second day with a sinus infection.
I remember at least one time, probably more, where I was in pain from a headache and prayed for another person and they were healed. One particular moment was at work when a co-worker announced to the people in my workspace that he had severe back pain and even had trouble sitting and standing. I said, “Let me pray really quick” and he obliged.
In front of four other co-workers, I put my hand on his back and commanded the pain to leave. It probably took 20 seconds. Afterwards, he was shocked. He bent side to side, sat down and stood up again, and marveled at the missing pain.
The pain was gone. I made sure the bystanders knew it was Jesus who took the pain. I can’t do it.
Some people have suggested the cause of my illnesses is simply that I need to take better care of myself, which is always true. Almost everyone needs to take better care of themselves. But I’m not eating or sleeping different or doing anything different. I shouldn’t be more sick. The only thing I am doing is praying for people.
Other people have suggested that the pain or injury from people I pray comes to me after it leaves the person. This is not true for two reasons. First, I am not getting all the illness I pray against. I don’t have back pain, knee pain, hip pain, leg discomfort, etc. I have a sinus infection and recurrent migraines. I did pray for a friend who had the sinus problem, but her issue didn’t go away. And I vaguely remember praying for someone else’s migraines in a group of people, but I highly doubt that was it.
The second reason and most important reason I am not receiving the injuries of others is because that transference of pain is simply witchcraft. When Jesus died on the Cross, HE took all our infirmities, all our pain. When I say, “Be healed in Jesus name”, I am recognizing the power in Jesus’ gigantic act of crucifying all sickness and infirmity and death with himself.
He took it up our diseases so we don’t have to.
When I lose my faith at times, which I do, I repeat Psalm 103 to myself, “He forgives all your sins, and heals all your diseases…”
ALL your sins. And ALL your diseases.
All of them.
I am not walking in the full measure of the healing available to me. I don’t know of anyone who is this side of heaven. But I am not giving up. I am asking for revelation on my own healing.
And I am going to keep praying for restoration from a God who I know loves to give it.