Ever feel obligated to be anxious? I do. It’s a strange pressure, but it’s one I feel when I’m in a situation that makes no sense. When the uncertainty mounts, and there are no clear, settled answers, it’s time to cue the worry.

Surrounding the birth and health of my son, I’ve fought with and for peace, while wrestling with two realities: 1, It makes sense to feel anxious. And 2, God’s peace does not make sense.

We all crave peace and calm, but what we usually mean by peace is lack of conflict, an absence of things to be concerned about. But that’s not peace, that’s just, well, I don’t know what to call it because it’s certainly not my life.

Peace that matters is the kind we experience in the middle of the questions. It’s an Anyway Peace, not a Because Of Peace. Peace in spite of, not explained by, the circumstances.

God continues to offer Anyway Peace to me, in the quiet, yet passionate prayers of friends and mentors, and when I bring my concerns back to him, just the two of us. I can sense there is nothing to worry about.

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Yet I feel compelled to stress a little. People feel more comfortable when I am stressed because it’s easy to draw a line between a life in question-mark mode and our natural insecurities about how everything will turn out.

So sometimes I throw them a bone. I’m a recovering people-pleaser, after all, and I don’t want to let them down. They need to see my emotions match my situation. I want them to know I am human too, that a baby in breech with the possibility of a kidney problem makes me squirm in nail-biting anxiety like everyone else. 

But I don’t really believe my own anxiety. In the moment, I just don’t know how to communicate my calm in this storm.

The simple truth is I’m living under the umbrella of “the peace that transcends understanding”. In his letter to the Philippian church, Paul slides an alternative to anxiety across the table. “Don’t be anxious,” he says.” Instead, pray and give God thanks for what he has done and is doing. Then make your request. That’s when God’s peace comes, blowing right past logic and all that makes sense.”

God’s peace is funny like that. It doesn’t promise to come in and tie bows on things. It comes right out and says, “This kind of peace won’t feel friendly to your logic”. But if it’s peace we want, then we can have it. Just spill your gratitude, ask for what you need, and let him do the calming.

When was the last time you felt peaceful when you should’ve felt stress? Share in the Comments below.

{Download my FREE eBook, My Birthright For Soup, here. It’s my gift to subscribers. If you’re already a subscriber, look for the download link in the very top or bottom of your email. And thanks for living scared but brave with me.}

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