We are always talking to ourselves. But the conversation is mostly laced with deception. With small white lies and rationalizations. And even more, with stories and fables about who God is and what he thinks about us. In my fantasy, God is mad. Still mad at me for that one thing. Or all those things. And so … Continue reading Why Not Tell Yourself The Truth?
I never saw it coming. The anxiety from this past year. I'd heard of postpartum mood disorders, but knew it would never happen to me. Not with my mental health training, my pastor-husband and my strong faith. Not with my friends all around me to support me. Not me. Even my second birth itself was beautiful … Continue reading Help and Healing For The Anxious Mother
When I was only five, I promised my missionary friend, Paul, who served in his native country in west Asia, that I would join him one day in his orphanage and serve in missions. From that moment on, overseas missions was the adventure I dreamed of, a hope I could clearly see all through my school years. As … Continue reading Don’t Say No For God
A few weeks ago, I confessed the anxiety I’d endured during this past summer and fall, a strange and overwhelming paranoia that choked the life out of me. It turned out my dismal thinking patterns were partly to blame, as was my insistence on ignoring my inner life. I honestly didn’t know if I would make it … Continue reading The Top 10 Things My Anxiety Taught Me
I think I'm finally ready to tell you what's been going on, where I've been. The past three months, when my writing slowed and eventually stopped, have been a blur. Not because they've gone quickly - they've been excruciatingly slow most of the time. But because I am still trying to make sense of it. … Continue reading Why I’ve Been Gone: All The Sunday Mornings Never Prepared Me For This
I am really bad at surrender for one reason: you have to do it again and again. Surrender is like drinking water or going to the gym. You have to keep going, keep drinking. In my perfect world, I would go to the gym for a month, get in shape and be done with it. … Continue reading For Those Of Us Who Are Really Bad At Surrender
Ever feel obligated to be anxious? I do. It's a strange pressure, but it's one I feel when I'm in a situation that makes no sense. When the uncertainty mounts, and there are no clear, settled answers, it's time to cue the worry. Surrounding the birth and health of my son, I've fought with and for … Continue reading When Life Makes No Sense, Neither Does Peace