Unblock your writer

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“I write in terror. I have to talk myself into bravery with every sentence, sometimes every syllable.” –Cynthia Ozick

“Don’t simply tell me that faith saves you, tell me how it almost failed you, too. Don’t tell me about love, speak of your passion. Don’t tell me you’re hurt, let me see your heart breaking. I don’t want to see your talent on the page, I want to see your blood.

“Dare to be naked before your readers. Because that is writing, and everything else is worthless crap.”

-Wisdom tapped from From Billy Coffey’s post Writing Naked

Perhaps, if you are blocked, you are not writing about what moves you, what terrifies you most. You are not afraid enough yet.

Write a few words about the scariest stuff, and then see how big your block is.

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How to feel like a good mom when you tuck yourself in

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Motherhood is teaching me a lot about my human-hood. And it hurts.

I face off against the frayed and tasseled ends of my patience and goodness every time my voice shouts too loud, or when my son’s unexplainable need to fish in the toilet stirs up my ugly, unreasonable side.

I don’t like that girl I hear yelling at the barely three foot, tiny, blond with giant Precious Moment eyes. Who is that crazy, angry lady, and why does she yell at children? She sounds like someone I never wanted to be.

It’s so counter-intuitive because I work in social work, and as a result, my biggest mom fear is that I will put my son in therapy. But what is really crazy is that it is precisely my unfettered, out-of-control fear that causes my strongest, scariest reactions. The kind that could land him on the psychologists couch. If they still used them.

Sometimes my son’s childish ignorance or disrespect on repeat just push a button and suddenly, I’m terrified. Or furious. And there he is, my little baby who still wets his Pull-ups, taking 31+ years of anxiety and anger.

I feel so crappy that I am trying out my uneducated mothering on him. Surely all the rest of my kids, whenever they get here, will get a wiser version of me. But he gets this tired, cranky, impatient lady who forgets who she’s dealing with.

It’s not fair, to him or to me. And my heart can’t take many more nights of the ache and regret. As I tuck him in under his glow-in-the-dark stars, I’m desperate to make the most of those last moments of the day. Trying to make good memories for him so maybe he won’t remember me only with angry eyes.

It’s just that Mom Guilt, and the general sense that I suck at this mom gig, haunting me all the time. So when I came across Sarah Bessey’s practices of mothering the other day, it was like a life jolt. I realized I could intentionally parent, with help, and I could not only stop sucking at parenthood, I could actually enjoy it.

Because let’s be honest: it’s hard to enjoy something you’re bad at.

For the record, my like or dislike of parenting was never, ever about not liking my son. I’m wild about him. I just was not at all wild about my skills. It just felt like hopeless most days.

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My personal parenting goal is: to enjoy motherhood and say with confidence, “I am a good mom”.

But I needed hope. And some structure.

And thanks to two of my favorite bloggers, Sarah Bessey, and Lisa Jo Baker, I have some of both.

Tonight I am sharing Sarah Bessey’s practices of mothering, which I plan to intentionally fold into my living as a parent to my son. I will share some awesome insight from Lisa Jo about not yelling anymore, which I am so very excited to stop doing. That will come in a few days. (And if you can’t wait, you can visit her site and find the article early, if you must. But I will get to it. Promise.)

Here are Sarah’s mothering practices, which I love-love-love, and I think they will enlighten any parent, mom or dad. I have three here, and then I will redirect you to her site to read them all. So good.

The practice of speaking life.

I can’t get away from the truth that is this: Words Matter. The words that we speak about ourselves, about our children, about our life matter.

The practice of attachment.

Here’s why it helps me love mothering: attachment parenting works. … See, I want their hearts. I want their hearts so connected to mine and to my husband’s that the love between us will be stronger than any thing else that comes along. So, I do these “things” not because they make me a good mother but because they help me to capture their hearts. And once I have their hearts – and I do – I can lead and direct and train them with their full trust and confidence.

The practice of routine.

Sure, a routine makes sure that I can get done what I need to get done for myself and for my family, but it also helps me find room for those things that are truly life-giving like prayer, meditation, reading, being outside, writing, reaching out to friends and neighbours, helping others, advocating for others, being present in our community and so on. By establishing a loose routine, I enjoy motherhood more because it feels intentional and restful, simplified and life-giving for all of us.

Read the rest of Sarah’s inspired practices of mothering here.

#NewMusicMonday: The Blackbird Revue

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This week’s new music feature is a long time coming. I’ve seen The Blackbird Revue play quite a few shows over the past five years, since they formed their current configuration of the now husband and wife duo, Jacob and Danielle Prestidge.

Not all musicians can play a show that matches the pleasure and sound of their recorded studio albums, but remarkably, their live shows only further reveal the incredible talent of these musicians. Both Jacob and Danielle will surprise you with the beauty of their voices and the spectrum of range they can both cover. And I have never seen musicians play such a wide variety of instruments live. They are skilled in so many ways.

And their haunting sound will give you chills. Real, crawl-up-your-arms goosebumps.

To be honest, listening to their most recent EP album, Glow, the title track brought me right to tears. And music doesn’t often make me cry. But they touch a nerve almost every time, whispering and intimate in their music, yet loaded with power.

Another thing that strikes me about this band is their ability to write stories in their music, and to tackle sadness and melancholic history with such elegance and eloquence.

And yet this duo is far from brooding in their overall presentation and style. The topics they broach in their work are many, often discussing tragedy or conflict, but they maintain a levity through their sheer love of music and playing together.

If you’re in the Midwest, I would strongly encourage you to see them play live. Many of their shows are in the Kansas City area. You can see a listing of their upcoming dates on their website.

If you can’t see them play live, you can still watch and hear them here.

If you love skillfully played and artfully written folk and Americana music, you will thoroughly enjoy The Blackbird Revue. A short listen, and you’ll wonder why you haven’t heard of them.

Yet.

Here is a video of their song, Grain and Roses, as well as the four songs off their latest EP, Glow. Yea, the one that made me cry. Listen your heart out.

How we spend our days is how we spend our lives

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“How we spend our days is, of course, how we spend our lives. What we do with this hour, and that one, is what we are doing. A schedule defends from chaos and whim. It is a net for catching days. It is a scaffolding on which a worker can stand and labor with both hands at sections of time. A schedule is a mock-up of reason and order—willed, faked, and so brought into being; it is a peace and a haven set into the wreck of time; it is a lifeboat on which you find yourself, decades later, still living. Each day is the same, so you remember the series afterward as a blurred and powerful pattern.”

-Annie Dillard, retrieved from the weekly newsletter from brainpickings.org

Good For All Your Parts Chicken Broth (AKA Medicinal Chicken Broth)

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I’ve been working out the kinks on my own version of medicinal chicken broth – or bone broth soup- since my naturopath suggested it to improve gut health a few weeks ago. And it’s an uncomfortable and painstaking process for many reasons, one that really surprised me.

Every weekend, I get a whole chicken at the store, something I’ve really never done before, and cut it up, boil it, simmer it and add in veggies and spices. Depending on the recipe you use – and I will include the three versions I’ve tried – it can simmer for up to 24 hours. Not that you have to babysit it, or sleep in the kitchen, but it’s definitely no 30-minute meal.

The second, most surprising discomfort of the whole thing is the close connection with my food. If you’ve cut up a chicken, you know it’s a bit of a wrestling match cutting meat off the bones when it’s raw. The chicken comes to me whole, and I can see where the head was cut off.

Eeewww, right?

But the most intense part for me is cutting through the bones. It’s so bizarre. In order to extract all the medicinal qualities from the chicken, you have to slice the bones open length-wise and expose the bone marrow while it cooks. It feels a little violent, a little grotesque to be handling my food with such aggression. Especially when my usual interaction with chicken is throwing a few floppy, boneless chicken breasts on the grill. No blood or guts to touch. Just meat, which I’ve dissociated from being connected to a once-living thing. I have to keep reminding myself that God gave us animals for various forms of food, and this is one of the chicken’s life purposes. (My husband is going to make so much fun of me.)

So this is just a warning, I guess, or maybe I’m the only one who feels so out of place so close to my food. This is what growing up in the burbs, away from the true life cycles people experience on a farm, will do to you.

But in true Portlander fashion, I said “thank you” to the chicken who gave up his or her life so I could have medicinal broth with his or her bone marrow.

Go ahead and laugh. I can’t hear you cause I’m outside hugging a tree.

Here are the recipes I’ve tried from my main, go-to sites for health and holistic living. The full recipe from Living Awareness, which I used last weekend, is printed in full below. I like her explanation, and she uses rosemary in her recipe, which I have a huge cooking crush on.

Look how delicious!* If only it cooked faster. I want some now.

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Let me know if you try one, or if you have your own recipe. Love to hear more tips.

Bone Broth Soup Recipes:
1 . Bone Broth Soup – Spirit of Health KC

2. Homemade Bone Broth – Wellness Mama

3. How to Make Medicinal Chicken Soup By Kami McBride Printed Below.

From Living Awareness:
Everybody knows that soup is the cure for when you are down. Making soup with bone marrow stock is more than a mood cure; it enhances your immune system and provides you with easy to assimilate minerals. The marrow inside the bones contains nutrients that feed your bone marrow. When your bone marrow is nourished, you create healthier immune cells and can better fight off colds and flu.

The bones in the soup also contain lots of great minerals that support regeneration and optimum health. When you add an acidic ingredient to your stock it helps to leech the minerals from the bones. That is why most bone marrow soup recipes have wine, vinegar or lemon juice added to them.

The following recipe is for a medicinal chicken bone marrow soup filled with herbs. When making your soup stock, I recommend making a double batch so you can freeze some of it to have on hand for the next soup you make.

Soup Stock
1 whole organic chicken carcass (after you have cooked the chicken and eaten most of the meat) with some of the meat left on it and the legs cut up
Or
Cut up 3 raw chicken legs and thighs
12 cups water
1 entire bulb of garlic (not just individual pieces, but the whole bulb) 5 sticks astragalus
3 medium slices of fresh ginger
3 tablespoons fresh chopped rosemary
2 tablespoons fresh or dried thyme
Juice of 2 lemons

1) If you are using raw chicken bones instead of the carcass, cut the chicken leg bones into three pieces. Make these cuts through the bones; the idea is to expose the marrow inside the leg bones.
2) Put the cut up leg pieces and or the chicken carcass into the water. Add all ingredients, bring this to a boil then turn down and let simmer for four to eight hours.
3) Let cool a little, skim off some of the hardened fat
4) Strain everything out of the liquid through a strainer except for large bones if you are going to make a fresh soup now. If you are going to freeze the stock, remove everything, including the large bones. The liquid is your bone marrow soup stock.

Final soup
4 tablespoons olive oil 5 cloves garlic
3 slices of fresh ginger 2 teaspoons salt
4 tablespoons of savory herbs (rosemary, thyme or basil) 1 bay leaf
1 tablespoon paprika
2 onions or leeks
2 carrots
2 celery stocks
1 turnip
1⁄2 cup rice or 2 potatoes Strained soup stock

1) Sautee all of the herbs and vegetables in a pot. When vegetables are a little soft, add the rice and soup stock. At this point you could also add a few fresh pieces of chicken, cut up breasts are good. Let everything simmer on low for one hour and then enjoy! Right before eating add fresh greens such as chopped chard, beet greens parsley or kale.

*(Photo credit: http://www.nomnompaleo.com)

All the Little Things

[Today I'm writing at Start Marriage Right about how the little things all stack up in our relationships, and how that impacts our dynamics for good and bad.]

I was already going to be late, and I knew it. Skimming through the house, I tried to piece together all my essential parts before running out the door: purse, phone, coffee…

And then I saw them. The dishes, stacked carefully in the sink, looking aged and forlorn, waiting patiently.

I glanced at the time, remembering I promised my husband I would clean them the night before.

I briefly argued with myself. Something about the priorities of being on time, or keeping my word to my husband.

Within moments, I set down my belongings and opened the dishwasher. He’s my husband. My word to him matters more, I encouraged myself, as cups and plates landed in place along the racks.

It Will Cost You
I wish I could say I always choose my reputation with my husband over my reputation with others. But I don’t. Too often I take him for granted, assuming I can keep my word or make a marriage-centered choice later.

So this moment was a win for me. I chose my word, my character in my marriage, over a few seconds of being in another place. Keeping my word cost me something that morning, and it costs me something every time.

This scenario poses the obvious problem: if I were better organized, perhaps I wouldn’t have to make this particular choice. And I can’t argue with that. But that wouldn’t prevent me from making a hundred other choices, all day, every day.

Read the rest at Start Marriage Right.

Summer fashion I love: boyfriend shorts

There’s nothing like that perfect slouchy feeling you get in the right pair of totally wrecked boyfriend shorts. The slouchier, the “boyfriend-er” they get. (Since I’m married, should I call them “Husband shorts?” Just don’t want anyone getting the wrong idea.)

This pair rocks so much slouch, they’re called the “ex-boyfriend”.

Of course, you can’t have them falling off you. Butt cracks are not cute. Hiking up your drawers every few minutes is just a hassle.

And then, if you’re my age, there’s the neurotic task of locating where your cellulite wrinkles kick in, and cutting your shorts just below that line. Or just cut them long and roll them carefully up to “the line”.

As you can see, boyfriend shorts are not for amateurs. Unless you are still 13, and you don’t have a cellulite at all.

I have a few pairs of denim shorts at various lengths, mostly a modest Bermuda style, which is fine. There are lots of ways to glam this up, which I’m discovering just researching for this post. But I usually just wear them with a tanktop. Kind of androgynous, I know.

See how Rihanna adds a blazer and pretty much insta-glam.

So I’ve been experimenting with the boyfriend style recently.

However, I ran into a problem. My goal with the shorter boyfriend jean shorts is baggy, with a little give in the thigh at the hem. But the mainstream jean fashion is skinny, so I don’t have a pair of these jeans hanging around. So when I cut them off, they’re glued to my thighs. Not exactly the slouch I was hoping for.

So if our skinny jeans don’t make good boyfriend cutoffs, whatever shall we do, girls?

We may have to go to the trouble of buying new jeans, slouchy-sized. But I would rather not.

Or we can buy pre-distressed, pre-cut boyfriend shorts. Again, not cool. Cause they did all the work for us. Which can certainly be part of the fun.

Probably the best bet is to head to the thrift store, sift through the wider leg styles and venture into the men’s area, if needed. I’m guessing here, but I think the men’s section is more likely to offer a straighter and/or wider leg that will give the extra room for rolling the hem.

I really want to try these out this year, a really slouchy pair I can wear with everything. And I don’t want to spend a lot of money. [This is pretty much how I felt about chambray earlier this year. And I finally found the exact shirt I wanted. Proof that obsessing about a trend will eventually get you what you want. Or something like that. :) ]

So here’s to slouchy shorts for all of us (that want them), and a summer that’s just warm enough to need them. 

Got tips on creating the perfect boyfriend shorts? Tell me what you did. I need advice.

Getting Around to It

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I’ve been threatening my friends I would start running again for months now. All year, the weather has been cantankerous and volatile for months, and summer just wouldn’t start. Until now. I was running out of excuses.

In my girls’ group, we’ve talking about the story of our lives and how to move towards our ambitions and purpose with momentum, rather than stalling out and wasting our lives. Ultimately, we are working out together how to live a better story.

Donald Miller, in his Storyline workbook, calls these actions “Inciting Incidents” because they are controlled by you and me, and they move us further toward our dreams, our climatic moments.

Goals and vision are essential for me when I’m trying to change my routine. I just don’t wake up awesome, fulfilled and successful every day, believe it or not. I have to work and fail and try. And when I don’t make or follow through with my plans, when I don’t get accountability from friends and life veterans, I feel pretty bad.

I just plain live bad.

And that’s been true for months now. I’ve been bogged down in details and coordinating projects I didn’t love, and it sucked the life out of me. I got disconnected from God and myself and other people, and that always makes it hard to love myself, God and others well. Which is what I want most from my life.

So I started inciting some incidents, which I will write more on later. But one of my goals, although I was too chicken to write it down and commit, was being in shape instead of whining about not being in shape. Annoying, right?

So I did it! I signed up for a race this summer, and got a friend to run with me. She’s already in shape – meh. :/

So now I have two kinds of accountability because there’s a date on the calendar and a friend to run with me. And the date of the race serves as a goal as well, along with fitting back into the smaller, more fit half of my wardrobe.

I can’t wait for that.

Because I am a sharing junkie, I am posting my training plan for the race I’m running. I got this one from Hal Higdon, the much beloved running coach. (And did you know he is also an artist? I had no idea. Quite talented.) I have fond memories of Hal and his training programs from at least one other race I’ve run.

This will be the second longest race I’ve done. (The longest was a 10k/6.2 miles.) This one is just five miles. So for me, this is my “Couch to 5-mile Program”.

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I will post updates every so often on my progress. But if I whiff and mess around and never start training, you can be sure you’ll hear about that too. I’m more honest than determined, probably.

#NewMusicMonday: The Strypes

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Had fun watching this week’s featured band, The Strypes, rock out this weekend. Sure they live in Ireland. But the video, shot beautifully in black and white to match their 1960′s sound, gives you the feeling you’re right in the rock-infused chaos, jamming out in angsty black right alongside them. In someone’s garage, perhaps.

These fellows are younger than they sound. Incredible talent, and especially for their ages so it is no wonder we could be misled.

Watch the video, guess how old you think they are, then scroll down to see their ages. No cheating.

Enjoy this upbeat, playful song from all the way across the sea. And look out for these boys to make it big some day.


Answer: All members of the band are between 14 and 16! Isn’t that amazing? I like them even more knowing that. If you want to read more about these precocious prodigies, here is an article from The Guardian featuring the band.

It’s Finally Summer(ish) Lemon Cookies

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Perhaps it’s an act of rebellion against my newfound health sensibilities. Or perhaps I’m simply craving summer.

Either way, being the impractical chef that I am, I baked lemon cookies with all the sugar today. I’ve been wanting something light and sweet, and lemon-anything always fits the bill.

I was running low on coconut oil so I kept the recipe completely as is, but you’re welcome to substitute anything in if you fancy it more.

This recipe comes from Martha Stewart, which is always a little intimidating, but this particular recipe suits an amateur like myself nicely.

A quick note before you start: The recipe calls for setting lemon for both the cookies and the glaze. I would use 2 whole lemons, washed and dried, for the amount of zest and juice you need for both.

And if have no idea how to zest lemons, or you just want to make sure you know, like me, here’s a quick video to start you off:

Lemon Glaze Cookies

2 cups all-purpose flour, (spooned and leveled)
1/2 teaspoon baking soda
1/2 teaspoon salt
1 tablespoon finely grated lemon zest, plus 2 tablespoons fresh lemon juice
1/2 cup (1 stick) unsalted butter, room temperature
1 cup granulated sugar
1 large egg
1 teaspoon pure vanilla extract
Lemon Glaze
Directions

1. Preheat oven to 350 degrees.
2. In a medium bowl, whisk together flour, baking soda, salt, and lemon zest.
3. In a large bowl, using an electric mixer, beat butter and granulated sugar until light and fluffy.
4. Add egg, vanilla, and lemon juice and beat until combined.
5. With mixer on low, beat in flour mixture.

Drop dough by heaping tablespoons, 1 inch apart, onto two baking sheets. Bake until edges are golden, 15 to 20 minutes, rotating sheets halfway through. Let cool 2 minutes on sheets, then transfer cookies to a wire rack to cool completely. Spread cookies with Lemon Glaze and let set, about 1 hour.

Cook’s Note
Always zest the lemons (preferably with a Microplane tool) before juicing them. For orange- or lime-flavored cookies, substitute the zest and juice of those fruits.

Here’s how mine turned out.

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And here’s my taste tester displaying his approval. “Mmmmmmm.” :)

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If you try them out, let me know what you think. And any tips you have to improve it are welcome too.

Happy baking! And happy weekend!

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