One Simple Way to Change Everything

The one thing in your life more powerful than your circumstances is your self-talk. Your self-talk is always with you, commenting on, observing and interpreting the happenings around you and inside you.

Surprisingly though, we rarely recognize that we are narrating our own lives. We assume the thoughts we think about ourselves, others and the circumstances we find ourselves in are basically facts. “I feel this way so it must be true,” we often think.

But we’re only getting part of the story.

Self-talk serves a purpose, to keep you in line with your goals, to help you survive, succeed, behave appropriately so you will be loved. Sometimes our self-talk is kind and empowering, but very often, it hinders us from the very thing we want and need in our lives.

So how do we interact with self-talk? How do we recognize it, and more importantly, how do we change it?

In this training, I talk about the process of noticing and transforming your self-talk with simple steps. Learning to change the conversation you have with yourself is how you will change your whole life. Don’t believe me? Listen in and see for yourself.

Ready to really make a powerful change to your self-talk? Let’s do it. Schedule a free initial coaching session here, OR set up a counseling session with me in my private practice by calling 785-539-5455 to request an appointment.

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The Sneaky Truth about Perfectionism

I don’t know if you’re like me, but I’ve had a bad habit most of my life. It’s called procrastination. It seems like one of the most common complaints my friends and clients have about themselves. We all do it and yet, we hate that we do it.

What’s up with that, right?

See, procrastination isn’t about laziness. Did you know that? Procrastination is actually rooted in perfectionism, the fear that if I can’t get it perfect right now, I shouldn’t even try. And so we don’t. Does that feel familiar to you? It does to me.

In this short, 10-minute training, I share what perfectionism has looked like in my life and what I’ve been recognizing and doing to change it. Hope this realization helps you as much as it did me.

Want to explore your perfectionism further and get out of the procrastination rut? Let’s do it. We can connect in a free initial coaching session here, or schedule a counseling session with me in my private practice by calling 785-539-5455 to request an appointment.

Do you describe your life or create your life?

If you’ve been around here long, you know I’m always coming back to the topic of dreaming: what dreams are, how our ability to dream is an indicator of our health, and how essential they are for our daily life. But dreaming isn’t always something that comes naturally to us, especially if we’ve been disappointed with a previous dream, found ourselves failing at a dream, or been discouraged by circumstances or loved ones.

The truth about dreaming is that it’s not for the faint of heart. Dreaming takes courage. It takes courage to hope. It takes courage to be misunderstood, to try and fail and try again. It takes courage to take action toward our preferred future.

Dreams are never achieved by accident.

I don’t know about you, but there have been times when I have been so disappointed by a failure or delay to my dreams that I give up on them. At least temporarily. I even went through several months after my second child where I stopped dreaming all together as I experienced severe depression and anxiety. But that’s what I mean: our ability to dream is connected to our mental, emotional and spiritual health. It’s a part of who we are, even when we’re not actively doing it.

That’s why I want to invite you to join me in a 31 Day 31 Dream Challenge to engage your dreamer side and learn how to add in valuable practices to improve your ability to dream and then position yourself to be a dream-achiever, not simply a wish-maker.

The 31 Day 31 Dream Challenge is simple but powerful: each day for the month of March, we will write down one dream in any area of our lives. Then through weekly coaching calls, we will unpack four ways to activate these dreams. 

This week in The Leap Year, the coaching community where the challenge is hosted, we talked about the difference between describing your life, which most of us do when we talk to friends, journal or pray. We just get stuck telling ourselves, others and God how life IS.

But what if we asked “What if?”

What if we attempted to use our deepest dreams to “create our life” instead of just live it?

In our weekly coaching call this past Monday, we discussed these four ways to create our future instead of simply living and describing our lives. (Want to catch that coaching call? Click here.)

createyourfuture4ways

So let’s dive in. Let’s be courageous and dream together.

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Here’s my personal invitation to you to join me for the 31 Day 31 Dream Challenge – Create Your Life. Let’s do this together. You can get access to The Leap Year coaching community right here to get started.

You ready? Come on in.

How to Actually Follow Through With Your Goals + A Giveaway

Ever feel like you get started with a goal and make a lot of progress at first, but then you realize you don’t know what to do next and the whole thing stalls? Or ever feel like you have a big dream but you just don’t know where to start? Me too.

I am hosting an event in The Leap Year, my free private coaching community, Monday at 1:00pm CST. We will be talking about two techniques for making our goals less intimidating and actually doable.


I’d love to have you join us. We can even take one of your personal goals and work through it live so you can see how it works. I think these two tools will become helpful go-to techniques when you realize you want to make something happen in your life.

Oh, and there’s more: 😉 Join us live to be entered into the giveaway for one of my favorite books for creatives and entrepreneurs, The War of Art by Steven Pressfield – I LOVE this book – OR you can pick a book from your own wish list to be sent to your house.

Want to join in? Just click www.theleapyearcommunity.com for free access to our private community, and you can attend the training with us tomorrow. Click here to sign up. See you there.

What do you do when you’ve tried everything?

Have you ever had a dream that you try to make happen on your own but it just won’t work? You try everything you know to do: you apply, you work-work-work, you pray, you talk to people who have done it, you cry yourself to sleep and shout at the ceiling, you give up and try to stop caring.

But no matter what you try or don’t try, the dream feels impossible, elusive, and sometimes, it even feels like it’s taunting you.

What do you do when that happens? Most of us shift between working really hard to make a dream happen and then giving up and getting apathetic and cynical. But there’s a better – more challenging but also more honest – way to handle these dreams that are beyond our control.

Here’s the thing: the dreams that are beyond our control are usually connected to our deepest longings and our truest selves. This is why we work so hard and feel so much pain when they don’t happen. We need to pay attention to these big desires because they are telling you about WHO you are and WHY you are here on the earth. It’s a Big Deal.

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I did a short video training on how to respond to these dreams that are so core to who we are, and yet no matter what we do, we can’t seem to get them to materialize. It’s a painful moment, but it’s almost universal to us as humans. You catch my training here.

Are you stuck in this work hard – give up – work hard – give up cycle? I’m offering my community the opportunity to get unstuck and shift into a more peaceful and liberated state of mind and heart with the freedom to desire without . It’s a short-term coaching package called The Breakthrough Sessions, which is 3 coaching sessions PLUS one strategy sessions for only $217, normally $450. I LOVE being part of someone’s breakthrough, and I’d love to do this with you. I only have three packages available because my schedule is almost full so message me at sarahsidersconsulting(at)gmail.com or comment below to get started.

I also want to share this with you, a poem I wrote 8 years ago when we were trying to conceive our first child. I was exhausted from holding the dream out and “trying” to have a baby when there was almost nothing – aside from the obvious 😉 – that I could do to make it happen. This poem has encouraged others who have felt the tension of longing, and I hope it encourages you too.

 

Hope, the Foolish Child

The child, Hope, is unrelenting in optimism;

Wakes up and says, “Today’s the day”, every day,

Even though It hasn’t happened yet.

With odds against the whole thing,

Hope seems blind to reality.

A starving Pollyanna,

Hope is a survivalist.

In a concentration camp of pain,

Hope is a finger of grass, poking through the asphalt.

Sometimes you want to strangle her neck,

Silence this thing that seems only to bring disappointment.

But she walks blindly, dodging death and famine,

Evading what seems to be true,

Believing in something that is nowhere in sight.

What shall I do with Hope, this child I can’t stop feeding?

I want to kill her, but she says the sweetest things.

She knows my desire,

Keeps telling me it’s coming, it’s coming.

I start to think she might be a liar.

And just when I’m about to stop standing there like a fool,

Hand over my eyes,

Staring into that thin horizon line,

Just then she points, shouts,

“Here It comes!”

I squint into the light and sure enough,

Here comes my Longing.

I reach over to hug Hope, that bouncing child.

But she’s gone,

Gone to lay claim to a new desire.

I wonder,

What if I’d given her up?

What if I’d sold her for a clever book title,

Something for the cynics’ best seller list?
What if I’d held her down and shut her up,

Put my hand over her mouth and made her quiet for good?

Disappointment would have moved in.

Skepticism would have been my neighbor,

Resentment shacked up on the couch.

I wouldn’t have been at the end of the drive that day.

I would have missed my Longing as It rode by.

My Cynicism proven right,

I would have looked haughtily from my balcony,

Confident my Self-Righteousness saved me much wasted time.

I would never have known.

I would’ve been right, sort of, but I would have never held Joy.

I thought of all these things.

And then I stood there one more day,

Stood waiting with Hope, holding her tiny hand.

I was there when the Longing came by.

I welcomed the Longing, gladly,

Snatched It up and planted It in the yard:

A Tree of Life for all to see.

A Tree of Life to remind me.

For those who will wait,

Who believe enough to stand out in all that weather:

She does not lie.

No, and Hope does not disappoint.

[by Sarah Siders. Written August 2009]

What Your Self Talk Says About You? 

More than your job, your fashion or your friends, your self talk says a lot about you. Your self talk is the secret to your standards, your expectations, dreams and hopes. Your self talk is the expression of your emotional experience. Your self talk is constantly narrating, interpreting and creating your world.

Your self talk is your life.

The crazy thing is, your self talk doesn’t only come from you. It is often a combination of how parents, teachers and coaches have talked to you throughout your life. Your inner self talk may also reflect how friends and peers have talked to you.

For most of us, our self talk is predominately negative. We have this impression that if we are hard on ourselves, it will help us to grow and change that bad habit we’ve been stuck in for years. But if that were true, wouldn’t you have stopped doing that habit and started doing something else instead? Hmmmm.

Sadly, as many of us have discovered, negative self talk is more destructive than constructive. We may think that we deserve to be talked to in this way after we screw up or fail or disappoint ourselves or others. So in that case, the goal of your self talk is punishment, not motivation.

In fact, much of our self talk is not designed to change us at all but to keep us exactly how we been acting, thinking and behaving our whole lives.

Intentional behavior change starts with intentional self talk change. Because we can’t shame someone, even ourselves, into greatness.

Self talk that promotes fear, guilt or shame will never help you make a long-term change. Negative self talk is typically an assessment of you at your worst, not a reflection of your true self, the person you are when you were at your best. So even though negative self talk might be telling the truth at times, it is only a small part of the whole story.

In order to change our lives, we need to change our self talk by identifying where we are stuck and what our unconscious narration has been saying about this area of our lives, and then identify how we need to talk to ourselves in order to actually change. Usually we need to be encouraging, balanced and positive, noticing where we have made progress and celebrating our forward motion. When we give ourselves this credit, we are more likely to feel rewarded for our progress and we will keep moving forward toward our goal.

I’ll be live in The Leap Year Community Monday night, 6 February, at 730pm CST. Join me there for a live chat, or catch the replay any time. Just click here to request access to our private coaching community, where we have daily challenges and inspiration, plus regular how-to videos and trainings for achieving our goals and living our dreams.

A Time to Speak and A Time to be Silent 


It’s loud out there, y’all. Voices of anger, fear and confusion on all sides. Everyone has an agenda these days. It’s hard to know who to trust. But don’t you feel that pressing in your soul, the call to “do something”? But what? 

There are times to take a stand and times to quiet down and listen. Usually when we are tempted to shout, it is a call to silence and when we want to hide, we are often being called to stand up.

It’s a counterculture movement we are part of, and often we are to act counter to even – and especially – our own tendencies and compulsions. 

The Truth is not usually obvious. It is not the first or the last thing we read or watched on the News. It is not someone else’s opinion. The Truth feels like peace and it takes quiet to hear him. Our restlessness and rage are what drown him out. 

How can we know what to do or say unless we are quiet long enough to forgive, let go and receive the marching orders, the call to act, to march, to write, to pray, to serve? 

In these crazy times we need silence more than ever. I fear for the trajectory of our souls without it. Join me in taking 10 intentional quiet minutes each day this week to allow yourself to hear something besides your own fears and suspicions. 

If we are to be the Essential voices of wisdom, compassion and guidance in a culture that is afraid and lost, it is silence that will allow us to finally hear. 

What Is The Secret To Actually Following Through With A Goal?  

Most of us have set goals or tried to make lifestyle habits with a little nagging voice in our head. “That will never work,” it says. “You quit or failed last time. What makes you think this time will be different?” 

This voice is the evidence of what we believe our true identity is. If we think of ourselves as someone who quits or fails or doesn’t follow through, someone who tries only to be rejected or disappointed, then we will sabotage any progress we appear to be making in any area of life. 

In The Leap Year, a free coaching community I recently launched for men and women taking a leap in the areas of health, career, finance and relationships, we are facing the dissonance between our goals and our identity. Click here to come join us. 

This is an internal conflict that so many of us relate to. Here is the truth: 

The dream you have is often a reflection of your true self, the person you are when you are at peace and have your emotional and physical needs met. 

The doubting, skeptic voice in your mind is the voice of the false self, the self who has been wounded, disappointed and frustrated by others actions and our own personal choices. The skeptic doubts because it thinks it is protecting us but the true self keeps bringing us back to our dream. 

It can feel confusing to wonder who we truly are. But the Bible offers us a beautiful solution in 2 Corinthians 5, that our new self, the gift we received from Jesus, is our true self. We can be confident in our dreams and desires because even if we have not yet followed through or achieved them, they stem from and are powered by our true and redeemed self. How cool is that? So now we can be confident in the changes we want to make because these changes are the desires of the whole and redeemed self. 

I hosted a live interactive training on Tuesday night on this very topic. It blew my mind when I first learned these truths so I want to share them with you. Check it out here.

And for those who want just a summary, here are a few inspirational thought graphics related to this idea of identity: 

I’m doing something fun…wanna join me? [VIDEO]

Today is January 15. It’s not a holiday or anything, but it’s still a significant day. See, recently I learned that by January 15, most people have given up on their new year goals and resolutions. Just two weeks into a brand new, fresh chance and they’ve already moved on. That’s sad, isn’t it?

Truth is, most of us can relate to diving in with big ambition, driven by the feel-goods of the new year, only to realize there is more work or obstacles in front of us than we anticipated. When we realize our health, career, relationship or finance goal is further into the distance than we thought, it’s easy to slip back into old patterns, the ones two weeks ago we swore to avoid.

See why today is an important day?

Maybe you’re like me, and you have some big goals for this year. But already you’re feeling the tension of leaving old habits and thought patterns behind. Or maybe you’re trying to achieve the entire goal in one month – that was me last week. I felt like I had to do everything at once, and I was starting to lose my passion and move into anxiety mode. And I’m no fun when I’m there. So I had to slooooowww down. That helped a lot.

There are so many ways we stall our efforts, sabotage our progress or get ourselves stuck, and most of the time it isn’t intentional, but we know we can do more – if only we knew what.

I spent the last year making up excuses about my health and the career I wanted, and when I realized 2017 was giving me a fresh chance, I leaped. But I didn’t want to do it alone. Taking on a challenge together is more fun and has a better rate of success. So….

Will you leap with me?

jump

I wanted to personally invite you to theleapyearcommunity.com , a FREE community of coaching and accountability on Facebook. Here’s what we’ll be doing together:

  • Release ourselves from past limitations and failures
  • Define and clarify our ultimate goals
  • Break down our goals into actionable steps
  • Link up to provide accountability and encouragement
  • Share tips, progress and setbacks
  • PLUS…
  • I’ll be interacting with my own leap story, and coaching tips via video and Facebook live.

So are you in? Let’s leap together this year. We kick off on Monday, January 16 – I will be hosting a Facebook live in the group to get to meet you and hear your stories, share mine and talk about how we can best support each other. It’s totally free so what do you have to lose?

I’m so excited!! This is the year we do it. Click here to gain access to The Leap Year community. If you still haven’t made up your mind about your goals or resolutions, it’s not too late. Join us and let’s make this year one we can be proud of. I hope I’ll see you there!

I’ll leave you with a favorite quote of mine that reminds me that the work is worth it:

“Don’t give up on a dream because of the time it will take. The time will pass anyway.”

See you in The Leap Year, friends.

 

When You Don’t Want to Wait Any Longer

It’s all so magical, the belly-warming glow of the lights juxtaposed with the sparkling winter chill, bells lingering in the air, chimed from towers and bell choirs, scheming up just the perfect gift for children and friends, imagining their faces a million times before they even open the gift: there is so much to love about Advent and the Christmas season.

I think the most reassuring part is the countdown, the knowing when Christmas and presents and family and cider and joy will finally be here. There is stress in the preparation and travel, but there is a knowing: it will be here soon, and it will all be worth it.

I am thankful for the ritual of Advent, to remind us that waiting has an end, that the thing we long for will come if we are faithful.

But I think our adorable Advent calendars with 25 little doors hiding tiny chocolates are a little misleading. Unless it is a pregnancy, a wedding, or the day of school starts or ends, there are rarely clear beginnings and endings to the biggest things in our lives.

We cannot count down until we meet our future husband or wife. We cannot schedule a date on the calendar for when we will finally be done with infertility and celebrate a pregnancy. We cannot put an end date to the painful season of unemployment when no matter how hard we try, nothing is opening. We can’t say of our estranged spouse or child, ‘Well, at least we know they will be home next year.’ Because we don’t know. We just don’t know.

Most of our lives, the crises, the hardships, the sorrows and joys promise no guarantee of beginning or end. We live day by day, just making it through, at times breath to breath, extracting every last ounce of grace to deal with the disappointment that we are not…there…yet.

This is why we need Hope so badly. We are lost without it. We give up on dreams and quit living when we lose our Hope.

The Pessimist, claiming to be a Realist, says, “Because it has not happened yet, it will probably not happen,” to which Hope replies with confidence, “Each day that passes is one day closer to the longing fulfilled.

Hope is not drunk on idealism, envisioning a perfect future and erasing the pain and ache of the waiting. No, Hope is a perspective, a lens through which to view the world.

Hope can co-exist with waiting, and when we wait in Hope and do not let the waiting jade us, then we can move through time and space toward our desire, all the while becoming the person we must become in order to receive it.

Pessimism feeds on the idea that waiting is empty, that time between now and the arrival of The Longed-For Thing is simply finger-tapping, clock-watching and gut-wrenching ache, all the while entertaining the idea of giving up on desire for fear of letdown’s freefall.

But when we choose to feed Hope and return ourselves to the truth of who we are and who God is, we grow the very thing that readies us for the blessing.

The struggle between now and the blessing we long for is the cocoon of hope and faith.

When we wrestle with our doubt and our anger, when we tenderly let ourselves feel our disappointment but keep it in check, always surrendering it beneath the tide of God’s goodness, the struggle ends with us as champion, released from the season of claustrophobic darkness into something we never knew we wanted: a kinder, bendier, more generous version of ourselves.

Sometimes it feels it takes forever, but in the end, we’ve either become the person who is ready to receive the desire-made-manifest, or in all our fighting, we realize what we thought we wanted all along wasn’t really it at all and discover a new longing to pursue. (I have seen this happen again and again with people who were smitten by someone, longing for their love returned, but as they got to know them, they realized this person was not who they thought they were at all.)

This cocoon of waiting is an essential process for our broken human hearts because imagine if we got exactly what we wanted the precise moment we wanted it? What a curse to get your every wish granted at your beck and call.

No, the waiting is full of becoming, of warring, sculpting, shaping. The edges come off, our truest priorities and values surface, our faces and hearts soften.

The waiting is not merely waiting. It is becoming.

This struggle of waiting, or let’s call it becoming now, is not as much about receiving the thing you long for as it is about engaging with the ache and letting it shape you, letting yourself grow all the stronger and wiser for having trudged this path or wrestled this giant.

So in this New Year, let us not discuss amongst ourselves or our friends what we are waiting for, but who we are becoming as a result of the waiting. Let us not move through life, mired in resentment and disappointment without allowing the wrestling between Now and Then to beautify and enrich us.

Let’s not simply wait, my friends. Let’s Become.

Happy Christmas, Happy New Year, Happy Becoming.

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